Nothing special, yet

This night is nothing special. On the chaise part of our couch with my MacBook on my lap. My wife on her yoga mat watching YouTube. The pup passed out to my right with her warm smile on the cold floor and the oldest out of sight, but probably cozied up on her bed. And me writing to you about…

Hmm… well it’s been awhile since I’ve put on my headphones with the goal to just write. Not because I want to show you something. Not because I want to feel noticed on social media with a post about my work, my wife, or my aussies. This is for me.

Okay, here goes nothing.

One year ago I was thinking about what I wanted to accomplish in 2020. Like many, maybe even you, 2020 was going to be a very purposeful year. A year that took advantage of “perfect vision”. I dreamed about the year. My best friend and I would launch our first app together. Every week, I’d spend around 40 minutes with my wife recording our podcast. Team building would be a focus as I was leading production and design at church.

And then, I got distracted, lost focus, fought a lot with my wife, was unable to separate work and family time, felt alone, and unsure what I cared about —what I wanted my legacy to be.

I needed help, but didn’t know how to communicate that.

Okay, the year is 2007 and I’m 18. My family is all together. It’s a school night. All of us which is my younger sister, my mom, and my dad are now at the dinner table. Dinner was always ready between 5:30 and 6. We’d always be waiting on my dad. My dad loves his work and was usually late to dinner. Once my dad was at the table we’d serve ourselves. Gah, my mom is a great cook. I’d scarf down my food. Then, usually my mom would open up the conversation. My mom would transition family time from just being by each other to actually spending time with one another.

She’d ask, “so how was your day?” My sister or I would usually answer first. Our answers went something like this, “Day was good” or “Not great”. If our day was actually good we’d follow that up with what made it good. When we’d say “not great” mom would want to know why. So, more often than not we said, “day was good” even if it wasn’t actually good.

My parents lack social skills. They lack communication that explores deep thought and emotion. Because of this, my family time lacked depth and I don’t remember any of those times.

I needed help, but didn’t know how to communicate that. I grew up not exploring thought and emotion that went beyond the first “why you feeling this way?”

Last year really sucked as I not only emotionally struggled with my lack childhood family time, but thinking and saying things that felt 100% me.

2021 is the year for family time. I don’t know what that looks like. I do know that many other families experience similar complications when it comes to have quality family time. Family time that isn’t afraid to explore the rollercoaster of emotion and thought that go on everyday.

It’s time we tend to our families.

Alright, closing down my MacBook and chatting with my bride. Maybe, asking her why she’s watching many singing videos. But knowing she’s a great singer and has this dream of singing in an empty parking garage at the college campus we both attended.